Movie Review: In The Name Of The King

Good Lord, what was I thinking? I've been buying movies for a while now, and only once or twice do I consider that I've been had. The first time was when I found the Bourne Identity for dirt cheap, bought the DVD, and realized once I got it home that it was a full screen edition as opposed to the wide screen editions I prefer. I know that's not much of a difference, but I really dislike full screen aspect ratios as it does not match what the director saw when he or she filmed the movie. The other time I feel that I was suckered was when I purchased a Superbit edition of the Fifth Element; I was lured by the idea of a very high resolution version of what I considered a great movie. Well, the movie quality is exactly the same as any other DVD of the same film I've seen, except that it only contains the movie, nothing else. I've come to expect a few extras with the DVDs I purchase, and in many cases, these extras have provided just as much entertainment as the original material itself. The official explanation is that these features are removed in order to make space for the main feature at a higher bit rate. Right.

So yesterday, as I was going through the bin of DVDs on sale at the store, browsing through such great movies as The Abyss, The Green Mile, and yes, even Commando (I know it's not really a great movie, but it is funny, and entertaining at the very least!), I saw In The Name Of The King, with Jason Statham, and I thought, why not? I mean, although Statham is not exactly an Oscar winner, he's been in some pretty decent action movies, like the Transporter series, Crank, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. So I thought, at the very least, there will be some decent action scenes, and for the price of five dollars, how could I lose? I even went as far as to read the summary in the back: family man, wife kidnapped, boy killed, evil wizard, evil army, rescue, revenge, etc... Sounds like a decent fantasy-type story to me, and being a fan of fantasy stories, I thought the deal sounded good. And so I return home, happy as a clam with my purchases.

My wife and I decided that we would watch this movie yesterday evening. The movie starts, and for the first minute, it looks pretty convincing. Nice scenery, medieval-type architecture, father farmer tending to his crops with his son. The wife comes out of the quaint little farmhouse, and that's when I start wondering. She is quite attractive, and practically wearing makeup! Well, it's a fantasy story, I tell myself, it doesn't have to be historically accurate. Then they begin to speak, and I wonder about the dialogue within the first several sentences. Who wrote this drivel? Well, a movie can't be perfect, so we continue watching.

All I can tell you is that around the halfway mark, my wife got up and returned to browsing the Web, and I just, well, dozed off. I can't begin to tell you how utterly dreadful this movie is; the dialogue is terrible, and at some points, I get the impression the actors are looking at each other and really wondering what the hell they are doing here? The plot is convoluted, and twists and turns at all of the wrong moments. It's like someone decided to do Lord Of The Rings in two and a half hours, with one tenth the budget, and the Coles Notes to the book. I picked up the DVD case from the living room table and looked at the director. In the fraction of a second before I looked at the back of the case, I wondered about some of the worst directors I've ever experienced, and one name stood out, Uwe Boll. Then I saw the movie's director: Uwe Boll. I just laughed. At least I can say one thing about him, he is consistent. I can now safely say that yes, ALL of his movies are absolutely terrible, just complete rubbish. It's not that he doesn't know about the technical aspects of movie making. But he just can't tell a story.

I've been trying to come up with a way to describe how bad the storytelling is, but words fail me. I read up a bit on Boll, trying to figure out how he had managed to get people to put up money for him to make movies, and I discovered some interesting facts about the German entertainment industry. Apparently, due to some interesting tax incentives, it makes sense to invest in a movie made by a German company. Any money invested becomes 100% deductable, and taxes will only be garnished on any profit the movie makes. If the movie loses money, the loss becomes useful tax wise, and since the investment had been deducted beforehand, any profit losses can still turn out to be advantageous. Wow.

Under no circumstance should you even see this movie. I paid five dollars for it, and I now realize that I would gladly pay ten dollars to get rid of it. Good Lord man, Boll, what's wrong with you? Did you actually watch this movie and think: yes, I'm proud of this work, I'm sure people will like it? Do you do this for all of your movies? I'm not saying I could do better, but I sure as hell would not do worst! If you did, then perhaps you might take a lesson from George Costanza, and do the opposite. It might be the best thing you'll ever do.

Movie Review: Shaun of the dead

I have always been a fan of zombie movies; there is just something about zombies that makes me laugh. Most zombie movies are not comedies to begin with, but are usually so laughable that at some point, most people begin to believe that they are. There have been a few notable exceptions (such as 28 Days and 28 Weeks Later) that have been truly scary, but most are not.

And then, there are movies that just like to poke fun. I guess that the best way to describe Shaun of the Dead is to label it a parody of zombie movies. Directed by Edgar Wright, and starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (of Hot Fuzz), and written by Pegg and Wright, the plot of Shaun of the Dead revolves around Shaun, a young man who is trying hard to get some kind of focus in his life as he attempts to get back together with his ex-girlfriend and settle his various life issues. At the same time he has to cope with an uprising of zombies.

If you enjoy British humour, Shaun of the Dead is sure to please. There are some brilliantly scripted moments, and some truly humorous situations. If you like zombies and comedy, you have to see this one.

My wife's new blog

After discussing the topic for several weeks, my wife Elena has decided to start her won blog. I can't wait to see what she will write about, as we have many similar interests, and I am usually quite amazed by the things she shares with me on a regular basis.

So keep your eyes peeled; as soon as her blog is online, I will post a link and review here. I think I may even make it my Pick of the week for next week!

Online Tools review: XE Universal Currency Converter

If you've ever found yourself having to convert currencies, you are probably aware that there are numerous tools available to help you in the process. But one of these, an online tool called XE Universal Currency Converter is billed as the most popular currency exchange site in the world. With a number of tools for currency transactions of all types, as well as charts and more, XE is truly an amazing resource for anyone that requires currency conversion tools and help.

(Foreign currency & coins image©bradipo)
I've recommended this tool to many of my friends when they were travelling internationally, and they have all praised its ease of use and access. Take a look for yourself, and I believe you will quickly want to add this bookmark to your travel links.

Pick of the week: VersionTracker

Like almost every computer user today, I sometimes struggle to get all the updates to the software titles that I use on my computers, let alone find out about new software. There are many software repositories available online, but sadly, they are mostly for the Windows platform, and that is not too helpful for me, being an Apple user (my wife and I are both Apple users). But there is one that I have found to be helpful, well organized and current and that site is VersionTracker.

VersionTracker provides a list-type interface, as well as separate tabs for Windows, OS X, iPhone and the Palm OS.

If you use any of these software platform and didn't know about Version Tracker, head over right now. You'll be glad you did.

Online Tools review: Block Posters

Have you ever wanted to create a wall-sized print of an image? It's not such a complicated feat using software like Photoshop, but it is not necessarily an easy task either. As I was searching for a solution to this problem, I stumbled upon Block Posters, a free online tool that promises to "create any size wall poster from any size image". A rather bold boast, but from my experience so far, I have been very impressed. An easy to use interface, enough options to create your poster the way you want, in all, a really great tool.

Go take a look for yourself, upload an image and print out a large poster; I'm sure you'll appreciate the ease of use immediately.

RAIS Woodstoves

When I was younger and living at home, we lived in a beautiful house in Markham, Ontario. Since my father had decided to remodel the house, one of the elements he wanted was a wood stove. A fireplace would simply not do, as my father was raised in the country, where fire was all important for heating during the winter. It was during that time that he learned that a fireplace was mostly a decorative home element rather than a true source of heat. With a wood stove, the closed combustion chamber and the heavy mass of metal that make up the stove structure increase the efficiency of any wood burned within by capturing and releasing heat over time.

When most people think of a wood stove, the image of a small, black, horizontal, front-loading stove comes to mind. But these types of stoves are what I refer to as the basement stove; it works well enough, but it sure isn't pretty to look at, so might as well hide it in the basement! Well that is not the type of stove my father wanted. He told me about a stove he had seen in an old home, a vertical design, covered in enamel, with front and top loading. I had never seen anything of the sort, but lo and behold, my father returned home one evening with a receipt for delivery for the stove he wanted, the Petit Godin cast iron wood stove:

Although Godin stoves are no longer made, it is possible to find them through specialized dealers and other sources, including antique stores! Although I always found that little stove very nice, it just didn't appeal to me aesthetically. I prefer cleaner design, with less clutter and decoration, but higher manufacturing quality and more efficient functionality. My research led me to discover RAIS, a Danish company that designs and manufactures wood stoves in several different models based on the original RAIS wood stove, designed by the architect Bent Falk in 1970. He took on the challenge of designing an environmentally-friendly series of “green” homes that made use of effective fireplaces. For his designs, he was awarded the Danish Design Award that year for his stove, the RAIS 1.

Some of the models offered include several freestanding soapstone wood stoves. Yes, the same type of stone used in Inuit carving! Soapstone has many advantages to offer from a heating perspective. It is quite dense and retains heat long after the fire has died down. It radiates that heat in a gradual and diffuse manner, avoiding unnecessary hot areas in the room. It allows for the construction of smaller wood stoves that maintain very high thermal efficiency.

If you are looking for a new fireplace, whether a freestanding model or an insert, with or without soapstone, head over to RAIS and take a look at what they offer.